Loss

When I thought about what I would write this weekend, several ideas were running through my head, but none of them are close to what I'm actually going to write about.

At 3:30 yesterday, I was walking down to the office because I needed something from my box before I left for the weekend.  My AP stopped me and had me look at two pictures.  With only a little knowledge of the Park Jefferson story I saw on my Facebook feed and his words that included pool, I turned away and said no.  My heart knew even if my mind was struggling.  I fell to the floor and sobbed and felt a pain that I'm not sure I can describe.

I love Keyontae and Jeanie.  I had Keyontae when he was in 9th grade; he was an old man stuck in a 15 year old's body.  He even had a full mustache to go with it.  Kind, funny, supportive, and honest.  He declared me his godmom and so began the great journey of knowing Keyontae.  Every morning he would stop by to say hello and check on me throughout his high school career.  Rarely would he come without Jeanie.  She wasn't just his girlfriend; she was his best friend.  They had loved each other since middle school, and when you looked at those two, you just knew God loved them together.  They defied conventional wisdom and opinions about teenage love and were an example of how opposites not only attract but bring out the best in each other.

When Keyontae moved away for a brief time, Jeanie would give me regular updates, as would Keyontae.  He wanted to make sure he stayed in touch and that I didn't forget about him.  How could I?  He finished out his high school career last year, which is a testimony to him.  Keyontae didn't excel academically, and he always knew that college wasn't going to be for him.  However, he knew the value of a high school diploma and often told me that school was the only job kids grew up knowing how to do.

I was lucky enough to run into both of them the night of Midwinter.  I stopped into Bendix and saw his face in the window.  It was serendipitous.  Now, I see that God's hands were all over that.  He sat with me for close to 25 minutes filling me on his life, asking me about mine, and offering reflections on the future.  Jeanie joined us for a bit before they both left, and I remember thinking how much they loved each other.  That might be the only thing that gives me some kind peace with losing them both.

May they both rest in peace with God.  

Including the Excluded

I recently switched gears on my dissertation proposal, which was part terrifying and part relieving.  It has been a difficult, tear-filled, sleepless, gut wrenching year and after spinning my wheels on a few different but very related topics, I stumbled upon an article about the banning of the Mexican American Studies course in Arizona.  As the daughter of a Mexican migrant worker, who has tackled my own identity crisis, I resonated deeply with the article.  It led to several more readings about the struggle of Latino students in the United States, something which has lit a fire in me.  It has also made me reflect on my teaching practice.  If someone would have asked me if my classroom was culturally responsive ten years ago, I would have said yes without hesitating.  Now I have to think too long.  Am I more culturally responsive than most? I would guess yes.  Am I where I should or want to be? Absolutely not.  This is particularly evident when I look at the content I use in my classroom.  I used to spend extra time searching for supplemental resources to go with the classic, Euro-centric curriculum that I was expected to teach.  Now, it feels like I'm just getting by, and reach for the tried and trued rather than taking the time to search for the culturally relevant material that my students should have access to. I am ashamed. I really and truly am.  But I plan on fixing that very soon.

On tap first?  I am going to dig into The Mendez Segregation case.  It is fascinating, and I never learned about it in high school.  After a quick survey of some juniors and seniors, it sounds like they haven't either.  A children's book was recently written, NPR aired a special about a year ago, and there are some great resources online for teachers to use.  I think it will be a great segment in my rhetoric unit and am thinking it's also an opportunity to talk Cesar Chavez and what it means to Viva la Causa.  The wheels are spinning, and nothing gets me more excited than tackling a new topic.

I'm also looking into novels that more adequately meet the diverse needs, experiences, and voices of all my students.  Ones that are rigorous and authentic and most likely don't appear anywhere on the Indiana reading list.  In case you haven't seen it lately, it's dominated by White males.

One of the most beautiful aspects of America is its diversity.  We should be able to celebrate our uniqueness without being accused of being "UnAmerican".  We should be able to walk into a classroom and feel safe, validated, welcome, and valued.  It is up to teachers to make sure that happens.  We must be willing to recognize our own bias, the bias in the curriculum we teach, and the society we live in. 

We must be willing to rectify the exclusion of the people and experiences that have and continue to shape this country.

Resources for teaching Mendez:

Separate is Never Equal (voted Best Children's Book in 2014) http://www.amazon.com/Separate-Never-Equal-Duncan-Tonatiuh/dp/1629238562

http://zinnedproject.org/materials/sylvia-mendez-separate-is-never-equal/

Mendez vs. Westminister https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQVblGpHBdU

http://www.npr.org/blogs/codeswitch/2014/05/16/312555636/before-brown-v-board-mendez-fought-californias-segregated-schools

The Power of Collaboration

Over the summer, the English 9 team met to map out the school year and decided we were going to teach "A Midsummer's Night Dream".  I've never taught it before and had only read it once in college, but after seven years of "Romeo and Juliet" I was ready for a change.  Thankfully, I'm not trying to figure out how to teach this play on my own, because I would be a wreck! I was having a minor freak out over break, but then we met at Chicory Cafe and discussed the themes and essential questions we wanted to use and all was right with the world. 

This is what we came up with:

Essential Questions: 

1. What makes poetry different than prose?
2. What happens in a world where men and women are treated unequally?
3.  How do we differentiate between dreams and reality?
4.  How is our behavior scripted/influenced by societal expectations?

Statement of Enduring Understanding: "The course of true love ne'er did run smooth"- love is difficult, especially when others do not approve.

Themes: love is transformative, control is a mirage, people escape reality as a means to gain control

 I love meeting with the women on my team as they are phenomenal, intelligent, strong, and amazing.  I can honestly say that the past year and a half has transformed me as collaborator and teacher.  When I first began teaching, I pretty much stayed in my room, talked to a few people in my department, and tried to make sense out of what I was doing on my own.  There were a few individuals that I would vent to and steal ideas from, but true collaboration on a regular basis was rare.  It was a lonely world.

Now, I can't imagine my life or my teaching without it.  It is absolutely amazing to spend time reflecting on my teaching and then sharing those reflections with people I trust.  We can talk honestly about our failures while also celebrating our victories with chocolate or a good beer.  Our diverse teaching styles make us stronger and help us to push our boundaries.  We share our materials willingly because we want each other to be the best teachers possible.  We also engage in some healthy competition which never hurts anyone.  Most of all, though, these women are my friends.  They have beautiful hearts, brilliant minds, and inspire me on this crazy journey called teaching.

Essential Learning

It's difficult to believe that it is January 3, 2015 or that it has been almost two months since I last blogged. Eek.  Adding blog more to my career goals!  So what have I been doing in those two months... other than unsuccessfully writing the introduction of my dissertation proposal?  Maybe a better question to ask is what haven't I done in those two months?

In all honesty, I haven't done what I love the most: plan creative, authentic, and meaningful lessons.  I've been hanging on, and that is the worst thing a teacher can do.  Anyone who knows me, knows that teaching has always been my passion.  Except lately, it isn't.  Not because I don't love my students, writing, or literature.  I do. But I hate Acuity, the ECA, standardized assessments, and all that other crap.  I also hate how much I've pretended to play the game this year.  I've been a dutiful department head, a pretty good teacher, and have tried to believe that all those standardized tests mean something to me.  But they don't and pretending that they do is a lie, and it is destroying me as a teacher.

Wow, it felt good to say that out loud.  The truth is supposed to set you free, right?  Here's  what else is true: using an Acuity assessment to determine whether I'm a highly effective teacher or not is criminal. It also infuriates me.  You know why?  Because if value is placed almost entirely on standardized tests, then your focus is almost entirely on standardized tests.  It isn't on essential questions, statements of enduring understandings, universal themes, project based learning, culminating projects, service learning, your students' voices or anything else that makes teaching absolutely amazing. I want absolute amazing and my students deserve absolute amazing.

So here's my New Year's resolution: find my identity as a teacher again.