Purpose

At the beginning of the school year, I did an activity at our back to school retreat that asked my teachers to consider who or what their why was. I used the following video.  My hope is that they will return to their why when the hours, days, or weeks get hard. Having a purpose is imperative, especially in education.

Four months into the school year I realized that I should have asked myself the same question. Being an assistant principal is an amazing opportunity but it's also complicated. You're constantly being pulled in different directions, addressing different objectives, and trying to figure exactly what you should be doing with your time. When I was a teacher, my objective every day was clear. I might not have any idea what the day would hold, but I had a plan for what was supposed to happen. I had a plan for what I wanted to teach and what I wanted students to learn. I lived my purpose daily, and I loved it. I've missed the structure and daily routine of teaching and the fulfillment that came from interacting with students for a sustained period of time. I've missed cultivating a classroom culture of care, respect, and empowerment. In short, I've had a bit of an identity crisis.

On Wednesday of this week, I had the opportunity to attend our monthly professional development session provided by the district. It was everything I needed and more. The presentation helped me to think about who I am as a leader and what it means to lead with authenticity. The experience also gave me the time to reflect on me leadership style and to unpack why and how I lead. 

This week I also stumbled upon the book Is My School Better Because I Lead It? by Baruti Kafele. (Small confession, my boyfriend's principal actually gave it to him to read, but I stole it). This book is everything I didn't know I needed. It's forcing me to ask myself tough questions, to recognize my shortcomings, and to contemplate next steps. I feel focused, excited, and full of purpose for the first time in awhile. 

I think a part of me will always miss the classroom, but I'm starting to realize that the whole school is my classroom, which is a magnificent opportunity and responsibility.  As I get ready to end first semester, I'm excited about digging deeper into the questions posed in Kafele's book and about figuring out who I am as a leader. 

I'm going to work to make sure that the answer to Kafel's question is yes.


 

To Make a Difference

“To have changed the hearts and minds of others for good and for better is to have been a good teacher”.

- Sister Madeleva 

*Note: I started this post in June but waited to post it until today.

This past June marked my 14th year of teaching.  It also marked my last year as a classroom teacher. Today, July 30th, I will embark on a new journey; one that is scary, challenging, different, and unknown. I will become an administrator. 

An Administrator. Me. Is it too late to change my mind? Just joking :) To be honest, I feel like God spent the last year preparing me for the next step in my life and career. As the saying goes, “iron sharpens iron” and that iron is pretty sharp now.  I have no doubts that I made the right decision or that I left the classroom at the right time. God called me, and I listened.

Now, more than ever, I feel like we need good leaders. Not only do we need good leaders, we need servant leaders who strive to build up those around them.  We need leaders who are willing to admit when they’re wrong, who make the difficult choice when no one else wants to, who are  a voice for the marginalized and oppressed, and who constantly strive to help others become the best version of themselves. 

In a lot of ways, the leader I want to be is tied closely to the teacher I strived to be. Moving forward, I hope I never forget why I went into education in the first place: to help others find their light. Today is day three of the Hoosier Writing Project which is being held at my alma mater, Saint Mary’s College. Many of the buildings have been remodeled and I stumbled upon a small room in Madeleva Hall. Located on the bottom floor is a small nook dedicated to Sister Madeleva. Several of her quotes are on display and I was struck by the one I included on the top of this blog: “To have changed the hearts and minds of others for good and for better is to have been a good teacher”.

People have a lot to say about education, particularly public education, these days. They are quick to point out our flaws, failures, and mistakes and slow to identify the good we’ve done and do daily. I work with teachers who demonstrate a high commitment to their students, and I know teachers across the country who demonstrate a similar commitment to their students. 

When I think about my fourteen years, I hope my commitment to the following principles changed lives for the better:

Having high expectations for my students. While many of us question students’ actions at some point, we also know that they are not the asinine, Tide Pod eating idiots that society paints them out to be. They are children and teens who are trying desperately to make sense out of a senseless world and sometimes they get it wrong. If there’s anything I’ve learned as a teacher, it’s that everyone has potential and we must strive to help them reach that potential.

Teaching students that they are worthy of love and kindness. I know I had students who went days, weeks, and months without being told they were loved. Can you imagine? What happens to a plant when we withhold love? The same is true for students across the country and world. I pray that every child has an adult at his or her school who loves and cares for them. I tried every day to be that for mine. 

Encouraging students to find their voice and to believe their voices matter, even if it’s only to themselves. Music, performance, writing, athletics. All of these, and many others,  are outlets for students. It is on the mat, floor, paper, and stage that many people share who they are and what they love with others.  Kids have a lot to say when we take the time to listen, and I tried to help students find their voice whether I was their coach, mentor, or teacher.

Reminding students that even though life is difficult, it’s still worth living.  I think this one is the hardest  to teach because the world can be so ugly. Evil is rampant, funerals are prolific, and the haters are strong. I hope my students learn to draw close to the people and resources who give them the strength to persevere and choose life and love over fear and hatred.  

Helping students to be a light. This year, I posted a saying in my room that I stole from one of my devotionals: “Let your words be kind, affirming, challenging to be more, and respectful”.  Many of them had it memorized and would say it before I could remind them of the expectation. I think we all fall short of the expectation sometimes, but I can’t help but think how much more luminous this world would be if our words spoke life. 

I’m sure there are other lessons, experiences, or examples that I could cite from my teaching career, but these are the ones speaking to me today. I am honored and blessed to have had the opportunity to be a teacher, and I hope one day, I can say the same about being an administrator. 

As I transition to administration, I hope to grow and learn as a person, teacher, and leader. I also hope that I can use my new position to better support the children and teachers in my building. 

As I think about the next step in my journey, I want to:

Strive to be a true servant leader, one who is humble, who listens, who speaks life, and who has high expectations for everyone. 

Be OK with making a mistake. I know I will make mistakes along the way, but I will work to learn from my mistakes and move forward. Hopefully, people with have patience with me during this time, but I’m prepared for them not to! 

Maintain my balance. Balance was my word of the year for 2018, and I think it will be just as important as I take this next step in my career. 

Have prudence. I know that I will face adversity in my administrative career and I pray that I have the prudence and strength to overcome the challenges I will face.

Build and cultivate relationships. Relationships are key in education and life. I hope to build and maintain relationships with all stakeholders and to work for the common good.

Have high expectations for all. I live by the motto: How can you be the best version of yourself today? No one should settle for a life of mediocrity and if the work we’re doing daily isn’t lifting us up, then something must change.

Have ears to hear is imperative. Too often, we speak without thinking or don’t tune in to the conversation around us. I want to be present, to listen and speak with purpose, and to to reflect.

I’m sure my list will lengthen as the year goes on, and my intent is to transition my reflective teaching blog to one on reflective leading. 

For now, I will look forward to the new year and to all of the things I have yet to learn or experience. 

We have work to do in our schools, classrooms, and communities, but we can’t do it alone. I’m a firm believer in the village, and I’m looking forward to cultivating ours.  My hope is that some of you will join me. 

Confessions of a Burned Out Teacher

To say it's been awhile since I blogged would be an understatement. I've thought a few times about blogging but haven't been able to muscle up the desire to sit down and write.  A couple of weeks ago, my cousin, who is also an educator, brought up how he hadn't seen my blog in awhile and wondered if I was still writing. Sadly, the answer was no. Writing has always been one of my passions. In fact, I spent most of my young life aching to be a writer and spent a lot of time writing stories and journaling.  My desire to be a professional writer waned in high school, but writing remained an outlet for me until the past year.

I finished my dissertation and successfully defended in February 2017. This monumental event should have brought much needed relief and free time to my life, but my time was redirected to my administrator's license that I began working on in January 2017. Slowly but surely, the program killed the writer in me. I'm not saying it was the program itself that killed the writer in me, but I was over school at that point.  I had been in grad and post grad school since 2007 and the doctorate was supposed to be the culmination of my educational experience. Yet, here I was taking more classes, writing more papers, and writing discussion posts of 250 words. I even lost valuable time with my sisters this past summer because I had a 15 page leadership paper due.  I rarely wanted to sit at my laptop because it became synonymous with work. My Saturdays this fall were often devoted to assignments and any time I had left went to trying to figure out how to survive the week at school and have a little fun. Five new teachers in the English department, my internship for my license, three preps, countless new initiatives, and my last class for my license just about did me in. Or maybe it did.

In November, my former college professor and mentor recognized that I was burned out. Somehow, amidst all the chaos and hustle and bustle, my light went out. I was tired and not the kind of tired that would go away with a good night's sleep. My soul was tired. I was empty creatively, philosophically, and educationally.  I was frustrated because  I wanted to do better, but I didn't even know where to begin.  I was being pulled in a lot of directions and my life was clearly unbalanced.

December was a whirlwind of testing and I just wanted to make it to December 22 which by God's grace and faithfulness I did. The start of the second semester is right around the corner and includes more challenges: my internship, more testing, the implementation of new initiatives, and the daily grind that is teaching. I would like to say that this past break left me rejuvenated and that my light was shining brightly, but that would be a lie.  I am, however, hopeful about second semester, and am embracing balance as my word of the year in 2018.  I'm looking forward to teaching some of my favorite units, to learning and growing as an educational leader, and working diligently to become the best (balanced) version of myself.

Here's to 2018.