Confessions of a Burned Out Teacher

To say it's been awhile since I blogged would be an understatement. I've thought a few times about blogging but haven't been able to muscle up the desire to sit down and write.  A couple of weeks ago, my cousin, who is also an educator, brought up how he hadn't seen my blog in awhile and wondered if I was still writing. Sadly, the answer was no. Writing has always been one of my passions. In fact, I spent most of my young life aching to be a writer and spent a lot of time writing stories and journaling.  My desire to be a professional writer waned in high school, but writing remained an outlet for me until the past year.

I finished my dissertation and successfully defended in February 2017. This monumental event should have brought much needed relief and free time to my life, but my time was redirected to my administrator's license that I began working on in January 2017. Slowly but surely, the program killed the writer in me. I'm not saying it was the program itself that killed the writer in me, but I was over school at that point.  I had been in grad and post grad school since 2007 and the doctorate was supposed to be the culmination of my educational experience. Yet, here I was taking more classes, writing more papers, and writing discussion posts of 250 words. I even lost valuable time with my sisters this past summer because I had a 15 page leadership paper due.  I rarely wanted to sit at my laptop because it became synonymous with work. My Saturdays this fall were often devoted to assignments and any time I had left went to trying to figure out how to survive the week at school and have a little fun. Five new teachers in the English department, my internship for my license, three preps, countless new initiatives, and my last class for my license just about did me in. Or maybe it did.

In November, my former college professor and mentor recognized that I was burned out. Somehow, amidst all the chaos and hustle and bustle, my light went out. I was tired and not the kind of tired that would go away with a good night's sleep. My soul was tired. I was empty creatively, philosophically, and educationally.  I was frustrated because  I wanted to do better, but I didn't even know where to begin.  I was being pulled in a lot of directions and my life was clearly unbalanced.

December was a whirlwind of testing and I just wanted to make it to December 22 which by God's grace and faithfulness I did. The start of the second semester is right around the corner and includes more challenges: my internship, more testing, the implementation of new initiatives, and the daily grind that is teaching. I would like to say that this past break left me rejuvenated and that my light was shining brightly, but that would be a lie.  I am, however, hopeful about second semester, and am embracing balance as my word of the year in 2018.  I'm looking forward to teaching some of my favorite units, to learning and growing as an educational leader, and working diligently to become the best (balanced) version of myself.

Here's to 2018.