Who Will Cry?

It's been an emotional week for me.  Kids are testing my patience, making me laugh, infuriating me, and filling me with love all at the same time. Some are rising to the occasion and others are falling deeper into the cracks.  And I'm angry. So, so angry.  Because I'm not sure what to do right now.  I don't know how to make things better.  I imagine it's what a doctor feels when s/he is trying to help a patient but none of the medicine is working.

I'm not alone.  I'm surrounded by a lot of tired teachers who are asking themselves the same question.  Lately, when I walk into school I wonder what it's like to be at a school that isn't so emotionally taxing.  There, I said it.  Sometimes I feel like I can't say that.  Afraid that it'll make me seem like a bad teacher, disloyal to my school or kids, or a horrible leader.  I also fear that it perpetuates every negative stereotype that exists about urban schools. But I think that maybe being able to say that actually makes me a good teacher, makes me more loyal, and an even better leader.  I don't have my head in the sand.  I don't try to pretend that the things that are wrong at my school don't exist.  I don't try to act like I don't teach in an urban public school.

I chose and choose to stay at my high school.  That doesn't make me a martyr or a saint, nor does it make me a fool.  It might make me slightly crazy.  It definitely makes me tired.  And I hate that being a teacher makes it nearly impossible to tell  people in other professions that I'm tired.  That I'm somehow being silently judged.  In other cases openly.

I watched a video this morning that one of my friends posted about a high school in Philadelphia.  It made me cry.  Because this is the reality for so many teachers and so many students.  It's the reality for me.  The students and teachers in the video could have been any of my colleagues.  The students could have been any of ours.  Thankfully, my school has better resources and doesn't have metal detectors or the same amount of fighting.  But we are fighting the same fight and anyone who doesn't think it isn't a battle doesn't have a clue.

I encourage you to watch this video, and I encourage you to learn more about the way your state funds public education.  I encourage you to think twice about what you think it means to be poor in America.  I encourage you to think about how you can make a difference in the lives of today's students.