Who Sings?

"The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom." 

 Today, I had the opportunity to view the classroom in a completely different way. I was the observer in my classroom, as my student teacher took her first stab at teaching a lesson from start to finish.  We are currently working on a poetry unit, and she chose to teach two poems by Walt Whitman.  I'm not a huge Whitman fan (I know, shame on me!) but anyone who has the guts to try to teach it to 9th graders deserves some props. 

As I listened to some of my students' responses in regards to America, identity, and who sings, I could not help but laugh, cringe, sigh, and smile. All at the same time.  I thought about Angelou's poem "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" and how so many of my students are caged.

They are caged by:

their anger...at the world, their life, and everything that doesn't make sense

their ignorance...the civil war happened in the 1900's? There was a WW III? Only presidents can be assassinated?

their fear..."they want to send me back!" death, different races, big words, the end of the world.

their stereotypes...and the stereotypes others have of them

their innocence

their hardships and burdens

their apathy

their hatred for school and a system they think is working against them

their struggle to figure out who they are as 14 and 15 year olds

Just making that list makes my head hurt, because it makes me realize what we're up against.  Educators have a difficult job, perhaps more difficult than ever before.  Yet, there are those of us who are willing to listen to our students' stories, their songs, their anger, their ridiculousness (which will be followed by a consequence, because choices DO have consequences), their hopes, their fears, and uncertainty about life and their place in it.

I don't always have the answer, hell, maybe I never do; but I keep showing up every day. I don't give up, even when I want to. Even when I question if what I'm doing is worth it. Even when sometimes I feel like I care more than some of them do. I do it because I know deep down they want to be free and maybe, just maybe, the Lord will give me the tools they need to break free.

 

 

 

Triumph

I'm tired. I also know there are hundreds of teachers who are equally as tired. I'm ready for break and a chance to catch my breath. This is finals week so it's a chance to regroup, discover what my students learned (or didn't), and try to think about how I can be a better teacher come Monday.

On Monday my 1st hour began working on their full sized body biography (thank you Donorschoose.org for making that a reality!) assignment. I learned about this project my senior year in college and have done variations of it almost every year.  This is the first time I have done the assignment with the novel Sold. I wish that I would have videotaped them working on these, because they are simply amazing.  I love walking around in the hall listening to them discuss which adjectives, symbols, colors, quotes, and major events should be displayed on the portrait.

They are thinking, analyzing and working together to bring the character to life.  I cannot wait to see the finished product because not only do I have some pretty amazing kids 1st hour, I also have some amazing artists (wait until I post a picture of Lakshmi!). 

If you're a teacher and interested in using this assignment let me know and I'll email the directions.  This could easily be applied to social studies and other classes that study people/characters.

I also gave my final exam today.  I stole the assignment from my friend Kelli who used it with her students earlier in the year.  One of the main themes that I tried to tie in all my units this year was the idea that even though life was difficult, it was still worth living. Our motto this year is to champion our futures. My favorite line from Sold is "simply to endure is to triumph". Sometimes I wonder whether my kids are really getting it or if I just hope they do.  Today, I can smile because I know they do!

Their task what to write an advice letter to "Despondent Adolescent" who is struggling with the loss of her father to cancer, failing grades, and a mother she never sees. She wants to give up and doesn't know what to live for anymore.  My students had to respond to her letter explaining why she should keep going...by using examples from the "Odyssey", The House on Mango Street, and Sold. They also had to incorporate 15 of the vocabulary words. They nailed it. They were awesome.  Even the ones who have a lot of work to do in terms of writing, understood the enduring understanding of the literature.  They owned it.  They might not remember all of the characters' names, but they can relate the stories to a real life situation and can analyze the events of the works in a meaningful way.  They owned Bloom's Taxonomy today, and I want to make copies of each of these letters and send them to all the so-called legislators who "think" they know something about education and what it means to measure learning.

I'm pretty sure they would be schooled.

Saints and Sinners

There are those out there who believe they are either saints or sinners and then there are those who realize we're all sinners trying to be saints.

My third hour is by far one of my biggest struggles in my 9 years of teaching. If I have a sub, I can count on having a letter devoted entirely to my third hour class. Last week they made my student observer cry (thankfully, it wasn't until after school), and they thrive off of pissing each other off.

The first 20 minutes before lunch was a disaster. A few kids came back after being suspended and they instantly reverted back to the same behavior that got them suspended in the first place. I was none too thrilled given that I had a tension headache that had been building since Sunday and had already turned off all the lights because of the pain. When the bell rang for lunch I curled up in my teacher chair and contemplated how I would make it through the rest of the day.

The bell rang and the kids returned and literally in that moment my tension headache turned into a migraine. My vision was spotty, my stomach was lurching, and tears poured from my eyes from the pain. My kids took one look at me, looked at each other and said "sit down and shut up (OK, we're working on that), something is wrong with Miss G".

They read the pages they were supposed to read in Sold, asked me if I needed anything, and said not to worry because they would be good. And they were. They were kind and compassionate and did the right thing, even if it would have been easier for them to take advantage of the situation.

They were saints today, and for that, I am extremely thankful.

The Measure of a Test

This past week we conducted test talks.  We adopted test talks when we became an 8-Step Process school.  The idea is that stakeholders come to the high school and spend about 5-10 minutes with each student to talk about their ISTEP scores or previous ECA scores.  The goal is to help students understand what they need to work on, what they are strong in, and to give the students a pep talk. I have to admit that when I first heard about test talks, I was a bit skeptical.  Yet, seeing it in action is pretty special.  Many of my students were eager to share their results with me, and it was clear that this was the first time that many had even looked at their scores before. 

It was interesting for me because while I do not think standardized tests deserve as much worth as they are given, they do provide a meaningful snapshot of a student's strengths and weaknesses.  Some of my students had scored Pass+ in English, yet they were failing my class because they don't find school entertaining or necessary.  Then there were the students who were sitting at 490-503 ( A LOT) who work their butts off in my class, but missed the passing score of 508.  Those are the kids I have to pay close attention to.  I want them to be able to pass the test because they deserve to pass it.  They are not failures, and I hate that high stakes testing has tried to label them as such.  One of my students missed passing by 3 points. He also has a learning disability...in writing. He is an avid reader and has an A in my class. I'm pretty certain that anyone who sat down with this kid would be amazed at how smart he is. He's the kind of student who is deserving of the waver that Dr. Bennett is so eager to dismantle.  I wonder how he would feel if he had to sit face to face with these students and have that conversation. Actually, I might pay to see that conversation.

In other testing news, grades were released this week. You know, the grades that are assigned to schools. We are a D. If the state would have used data from the 2012 school year-like they were supposed to-we would have been a C.  We also made incredible gains in math and English, yet none of that matters unless we get to 70% passing. It's shameful what high stakes testing, accountability, and asinine measures have done to education.  It's also painfully clear how punitive the grading policy is for high poverty schools.

So much for equity.

Forward Progress

The past two weeks have been challenging. I had my wisdom teeth pulled two weeks ago today.  While I did not have horrible swelling or bleeding, the surgery made it extremely difficult to teach (try teaching without being able to open your mouth!). It also caused tension headaches, which then led to intense migraines with nausea. Teaching has been anything but fun. Until yesterday :)

On Tuesday, I went to my primary care doctor who gave me the most wonderful shot in the world. He also gave me medicine to help with the nausea. You are now looking at one migraine free woman/teacher.

Teaching is a profession (yes, it IS a profession) that is tied ridiculously close to an individual's mood, health, heart, etc. I was miserable and as a result my classroom wasn't working the way I wanted it to. It couldn't. I was frustrated by my inability to function and was wondering how long I would have to come to school unable to be the teacher I wanted so much to be.

Yesterday was the first time that I felt like I was teaching since having my teeth removed. It was beautiful.  Even in my third hour.

Rotations were on tap...something I haven't been able to do in awhile. We just finished the Odyssey  and I wanted to wrap up on a good note. We needed to work in small groups on writing, they needed to work on their edublog project, as well as work on analyzing theme. Placing them in groups worked beautifully. We were able to have real conversations about what makes academic writing different, why it was necessary to stay focused and to provide examples, and why we should avoid writing the way we talk :) 9th graders were able to talk about academic writing, and it was awesome. Not perfect, but awesome!

What were the reasons for success?

1. My attitude. I wanted to be there and had the energy to TEACH
2. The students were engaged at each station
3. Small groups for writing instruction-SUCCESS
4. Structured freedom
5. New seating arrangement, which opened up the room and provided much needed SPACE

I'm not completely healed, and I still have a lot of work to do with my 3rd hour. However, I am thankful for the past two days and the progress that was made.

SPACE

People's opinions vary about whether class size matters. I can argue both points. I have had a class of 20 that was enough to kill me and a class of 28 that was great. In most cases, I think class dynamics impact a classroom more than anything when it comes to discipline or management.

However, I think when we are at or above 30 kids in a classroom, we're asking for trouble in terms of maximizing learning. 22-24 is my magic number, as it is large enough for class discussion, but small enough to put kids into rotations in a timely manner. Forget differentiating instruction...you simply cannot do that with 30 plus kids, something that many of my colleagues at Penn and other schools deal with on a regular basis.  If we want quality learning for our children, then we need to take a long hard look about how we use space and how we maximize learning for all students.

My 3rd hour sits at 31 and sometimes I literally want to break a wall down because I feel like we're on top of each other. I trip over a desk or leg at least twice in a class period, kids are on top of each other, and personal space is simply nonexistent. I know it isn't helpful to reflect on things that are out of my control, but it drives me nuts because it is hindering quality learning from taking place. It's also stressing me out. I looked ahead to next trimester and I'm supposed to have 34 kids. I literally do not have a desk for those three extra kids, and I'm using every bit of space I have right now.

9th graders are also really good at invading personal space. They should have a class on THAT.

On an entirely different note, we're studying Greek Mythology right now and of course the mythological body biographies were hysterical. Those Greeks were some crazy people. I mean Athena was born out of Zeus' head after he swallowed his mistress. One of the terms that came up was nymph, which then led to nympho, which then led to a discussion of sex addiction and the following term created by one of my students: "MISS, these people are crazy! All of them are sex alcoholics!" I'm trying not to think of that phrase too much because I start laughing and when I laugh my jaw hurts A LOT. However, it was a gem that I had to share, and I want to end on a positive note :)

The Perils of Freedom

This reflection has two parts.  The first is my frustration reflection. The second is my productive reflection :)

Before: I knew that 3rd hour was going to be a challenge, and I was right.  Today, four kids that I haven't seen in a week showed up, so they did not fit in well to the lesson plan for the day.  Contrary to popular opinion, one needs to come to school if s/he wants to pass 9th grade English.  That being said, my AP came in today for the entire class period.  The focus was strictly on classroom environment.  At some point, I will possibly explain everything that this standard encompasses.  At some point.

We began the first 20 minutes reading like we always do on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  They did this relatively well, although there were some random questions, comments, and behavior. They're 9th graders.  The bell rang for lunch and I waited for them to come back so we could continue.

My expectation is that they are supposed to have their folder, pen/pencil, and word of the day sheet before class starts. I bought them all a folder and its supposed to be kept in the drawer.  Needless to say, we still haven't mastered having all of this done before the bell rings.  One of my larger students even decided that he would stand in front of the chalkboard to blow his nose while I was trying to do the word of the day. Nice. Awful. Eyes bugging out: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

We make it through the word of the day, I give them a brief synopsis on the creation of the gods and titans and all that jazz (crazy stuff).  Then we move to the silent paper wad journal which is so awesome. Just not in this class. I love paper wad journaling  because it's a way to have a discussion without there being a lot of crosstalk, off task behavior, etc. Today it was an epic failure in 3rd hour. Apparently, I either suck at giving directions or half of them need hearing aids and glasses.

I did my best to salvage this lesson, but it was ugly.  My AP spoke to me after and agreed that this was a challenging class, but that I could whip them into shape. We would talk more about their inability to handle freedom and the use of expectations.

After: I was frustrated most of the day until I talked to my partner in crime. He's my best friend and is a remarkable teacher. He will also be an amazing administrator when he finishes up his program this year. As a primary teacher, he spends a lot of time modeling and working on procedures. He even pointed out that sometimes he spends an entire week just working on procedures because if students aren't on board then teaching cannot take place. He also reminded me that it's impossible to teach through distractions when the kids are entertained by them. Check.

So after some reflecting, suggesting, talking, and questioning, we came up with the following list of things to work on and remember.

1. A challenging class will usually not be as efficient as a class that is less challenging.  A little more hand holding might be necessary. They also might need more time to achieve my expectation.

2. If things aren't going the way they are supposed to, I need to stop the lesson and do it until we get it right.  If it takes 30 minutes for the next two weeks, that's better than it never happening at all.

3. Model everything, and let them practice before moving onto the actual task if it is more difficult.(This is where the paper wad journal went wrong)

4. I'm expecting them to be able to work in an environment that's free...a lot of these kids never taste freedom so they run wild when they are given it in my classroom (insert AHA moment!).

5. I need to scaffold freedom into my class

I might not have all the answers yet, but at least I have a place to start...even if it's five weeks late :)

Evaluating Evaluation

This will be short and sweet because most of my reflecting will come in the next couple of days.  Tomorrow I will be one of the few teachers in our school being evaluated using the corporation's new tool.  I spent six glorious training sessions last year being "trained" in something I cannot even being to describe. OK, maybe cognitive coaching is one way to describe it. Anywho, at the end, we learned that those of us who went through the training would be "guinea pigs".

I actually like the new tool, although I have no clue how administrators will ever be able to complete everything it requires...I pray for them.

Tomorrow one of the assistant principals who I worked with all year will be visiting my 3rd hour.  I picked this class because it is my biggest struggle.  I need help, I need insight, I need careful examination. I could have asked my AP to visit any of my other classes that run like clockwork, but I realized that wouldn't be true to my commitment to reflective practice.  My AP will be observing this particular class for all of my evaluations. To say I'm nervous would be an understatement.  Tomorrow, all of my weaknesses and challenges will be exposed, and I'm scared.  I think it's natural to want people to see you at your best, so to willingly open myself up to being seen at my worst makes me cringe a little.

Yet, it's authentic, and if there's anything people should know about me by now, it's that I keep it real 24/8.  No facade here. No false pretenses. No putting on a show. I do me...even when me needs a lot of work.

Bright Spot

My morning and much of the day was horrific. I had no business even going to school for the two hours I was there. Turns out hydrocodone and I do not get along. Thankfully, my soon to be student teacher (in the spring) comes every Monday and Wednesday.  I let her lead class while I sat there until the sub came.  I assigned a culminating project on Monday so I gave my 1st hour time to work in class today since we had a shortened class period and I obviously was in no shape to do anything.

So I sat there and observed. I listened, I watched, and I smiled. Sometimes I wonder if my kids really get the essential questions, the enduring understandings, the themes, and the complexity of what I teach. One of the neat things about listening to them work was that I was listening to them think.  I explained to them on Monday that this is a performance based project, which means help from me would be limited.  I needed to assess what they had learned and could produce on their own.

I wish I would have taped what I saw because it was everything learning should be.  They were discussing themes with each other, their eyes got big when they had an aha moment, they used the tools I gave them, and they were putting the pieces together. It was beautiful.  It wasn't quiet, but it wasn't chaotic. It was the productive hum I've come to love. 

 It made me proud to be a teacher, and was a reminder from God that I'm doing His work. It was a good reminder :)

Epic Failure

I wanted to write this last night when it was fresh in my mind, but it was a long day and I didn't get home until late so keeping my eyes open was difficult.

I'm not sure I've ever had an entire day (until 5th hour) go completely wrong until yesterday.  However, it was a great teaching tool even if it made me want a huge do over button and a bottle of Moscato.

I was excited for first hour because I wanted to get my students going on edublogs, get rotations going, and get some much needed small group writing instruction. We only got through one station. ONE. Here's why: I assumed...even though I know everything wrong that can happen when we assume.  Assumptions: my students could set up a blog (title, username, etc.), my kids could figure out how to post a blog, my students knew how to blog (ie write!),  Here's what I learned: the word blog scared my kids: "I don't know how to blog Miss!!" What's a blog? I don't get it? What should my title be? There's no save button (yes, it's on the side...it says save), What color should it be?

Just typing all of that makes my head hurt. I was supposed to be working with my writing group, remember? Actually, in hindsight, my writing group functioned really well without me (one good thing!),

The bell rang, I felt frazzled, and I thought I would be able to regroup during my plan hour. I made the mistake of going in the office and was pulled into a meeting. I didn't get anything done, and rushed to get to third hour which keeps growing and growing and growing. This class is huge. I have football players who are HUGE, I have kids who are small but have big mouths, I have some kids that need to stand up because sitting down is a nightmare. Every seat is full and it is a difficult class to keep on task.  After a long third hour (the longest of the day) I was desperate for a reprieve. I needed to catch my breath. Two more class periods to go, though, so that wasn't happening.

Take aways from the day: Explain everything, even if it seems like something everyone would know. Assume nothing. Certain kids are not allowed to use the bathroom. ever. I need help with my third hour. I need to post more things in the room. I have A LOT of work to do to get better.

Sitting on the Dock of the...

I was supposed to have my wisdom teeth removed this morning, but alas, my stupid cold prevented me from getting this dreaded misery over with.  It was too late to go in to school, and I already called in so I decided that I would spend the day on the couch trying to get over this cold.  Bring on the Potent C, which I might add puts emergen-c to shame. Just sayin'.

I decided to review my notes in my Reflective Practice for Educators textbook in order to write up the formal PD calendar.  One of the items I highlighted, starred, and underlined was this statement: What is my role in this situation and what can I do to make a difference?

That statement is what I truly think accountability is all about.  Somehow, it has turned into test score data, which I can only blame on laziness because people do not want to take the energy to figure out how else to gauge student learning and teacher effectiveness in an "easy" way.  Interestingly enough, teachers, which I have begun to call practitioners, rarely get to use the easy way out.

What is my role in this situation? First, I guess I should figure out what the role is! My role is two-fold: making my students better readers and writers AND helping them to champion their future.  In other words, I want them to be the best people they can be. Challenge taken. I know and accept my role, but the question remains what can I do to make a difference?

I think reflective practice is essential to answering the preceding question, because it is not one that is easily answered.  I am a practitioner. I am well-versed in reading strategies and differentiated instruction jargon, but putting that into action with 30 some students in 70 minutes is anything but easy.  I do know that I need to help my students develop schema, to think abstractly about different concepts, and to chunk what I'm teaching.  I do not have the luxury of sending a novel home with many of my students and saying "good luck, and may the odds be ever in your favor".  For some of my students that's synonymous with sending a person who cannot swim into the ocean without a life jacket.  I simply cannot do that.  So for now, I will continue to plug away.  We will read Mango Street in class, we will Think-Pair-Share, we will write, we will explore, and hopefully we will grow.

Where do I begin?

You know the hardest part about reflecting? The part that sheds light on everything you could have done but did not realize you should have done until the end of the day.

I don't like starting the day with an honors class because for the most part they "get it".  I don't have to be so explicit when I give directions and that sets a bad tone for the rest of the day.  I forget all the extra things I should do when explaining a more abstract concept and then scratch my head wondering why some didn't get it. Then a light bulb goes off around 4th hour and I realize that I need to use way more examples when I'm teaching and that while modeling is good, I need to think aloud my thought process more.  It isn't that my other classes aren't capable of doing great work.  Many of them will! I just have to do a better job of explaining some subtle things that I take for granted in my 1st hour class. The first step is catching the problem.  The second is finding new ways to explain concepts. The third? Actually doing it.

I have a lot to think about, but this is a reflective practice blog, so I guess that's good!

It's all about the D

Today is day two of the school year, and I am ridiculously exhausted. Last night I truly felt like I was hit by a truck.  Part of that exhaustion stems from a steep increase in class size.  My room is tiny and packing 34 kids in my 3rd hour has already taken its toll. One of my goals this year is to improve my classroom management.  One of my colleagues came up with an ingenious idea: the D box. He has set up a red binder that has reflection slips for the students to fill out.  Archer points to the binder, the student fills out the sheet and then places it in the side panel.  At the end of the week he looks through the binder, makes parental contact, gives out his own punishment, or if a gross offense a referral.  The beauty in this strategy is that it basically eliminates any disruptions due to misbehavior.  Students are forced to reflect on their behavior and teachers have time to reflect on an appropriate consequence. I will be introducing the box Monday :)

Reflective Practice

I'm currently taking a course called Reflective Practice for teachers, and it is one of the best courses I've taken in a long time.  One of the requirements of the course is to take time to reflect on teaching practice...remember all those learning logs and reflections that went in our portfolio?  Turns out they had a purpose other than to make us sit at a computer for hours typing.  This year, I have committed to videotaping myself, having a structured observation with purpose, and reflecting on my lessons through this blog.  It will not be an easy journey, as I already know I have a million things I need to work on.  However, the only way I will get better is if I actually identify my challenges, seek help, and get better. Let the journey begin.